Being weeks away from voting, holidays, and covid scares, it is possible you may offend others, such as family, neighbors, co-workers, and the like. If that is the case, it is necessary to make repairs to keep yourself and the offended party from being undone by hurt feelings. The truth of the matter is that mistakes, carelessness, and conflict are inevitable. However, making repairs at the right time can make all the difference in your mental and emotional health, as well as those of others.
Here are some phrases or scripts you can use to help you and the situations in which you might need them (You can find these and others on Gottman.com):
WHEN YOU NEED TO APOLOGIZE
“Can I try again?”
“I messed up.”
“How can I make things better?”
“I’m sorry.”
WHEN YOU NEED TO MOVE FORWARD
“I agree with part of what you’re saying.”
“Let’s find a compromise.”
“What are your concerns?”
WHEN YOUR EMOTIONS ARE GETTING THE BETTER OF YOU
“Can we take a break from this conversation for now?”
“Please be gentler with me”
“I am starting to feel flooded.”
WHEN YOU JUST NEED TO STOP
“Give me a moment.”
“Let’s agree to disagree.”
“We are getting off track.”
WHEN YOU NEED TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE GOOD
“That’s a good point.”
“I know this isn’t your fault.”
“I love you.”
WHEN YOU NEED TO LABEL/IDENTIFY YOUR EMOTIONS
“That hurt my feelings.”
“I feel defensive. Can you rephrase that?”
“I’m getting worried.”
Remember…Be kind to one another. Healthy conversations with other with whom you disagree are good for the growth of your brain and your ability to regulate your emotions. Use these repair scripts to help you maintain them.
Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash